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http://lifeinaminorkey.wordpress.com/

Lower Ninth Ward

This is a photo I took last week of the devastating remains of New Orleans’ Lower Ninth Ward in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

sad song

The Girl with the Weight of the World in her Hands
She won't recover from her losses,
She's not chosen this path,
but she watches who it crosses
Maybe move to the right,
maybe move to the left
So we can all see her pain she wears like a banner on her chest
And we all say it's sad,
and we think it's a shame
And she's called to our attention,
but we do not call her name,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

We're busy with our happiness,
busy with our plans
I wonder if alone she wants it taken from her hands
But if things didn't get any harder
She might miss her sacred chance to go a consecrated martyr,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

I wonder which saint that lives inside a bead
will grant her consolation when she counts upon her need
It makes us all angry though we feign to care
But who will be the scale to weigh the cross she has to bear,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.
"Is the glass half-full or empty?" I ask her as I fill it
She said it doesn't really matter, pretty soon you're bound to spill it.
With the half logic language of the sermon she deliversA
nd the way she smiles so knowingly at me gives me the shivers
I pull the blanket higher when I'm finally safe at home
And she'll take a hundred with her, but she always sleeps alone,
The girl with the weight of the world in her hands.

disillusionment

I’ve spent the past few weeks settling into a new apartment in Midtown Tulsa (actually…the place was built in the 1930’s, so it isn’t exactly new). I’ve not really been attuned to much here lately, mostly final exams, packing boxes, and spending a lot of time with family. When I do get the chance to meander on the web, some of the first sites I visit are the many blogs my Rivendell pals are maintaining.

I’m always amazed at the level of subject matter that some of my friends, pastors, and their wives (???) are producing. Everything from theology and Christian apologetics to music and children are discussed, usually on a very high level. I suppose my little corner here is a bit pale in comparison, as I usually copy and paste some obscure article or post a random music video. Perhaps I’m still trying to find a whole purpose with this blog stuff.

Maybe this blogging thing is just a fashion, something for me to feel a level of association with my cohorts. I’m not sure. I have no great spiritual discourses or original thoughts to share about the current state of the church or life. Believe me, I keep going in that well and am desperately trying to fish something profound out. These are usually fleeting attempts and I’m left a bit muted.

All I can say right now is that God has used disillusionment in my life as a sobering reminder of his purpose. This is a level of enlightenment I suppose, although not the type that will give me a wonderful testimony or place my amongst the strata of Christian “brains”. For me, the past few years have been a process of shedding Christian idealism and discovering a way to an obscured trailhead. If I find this trailhead, I’m praying that it will lead me to a deeper understanding of humility and servanthood.

I’ve changed the title of this blog from “Before the Deluge” to “life in a minor key”, which reflects my one of favorite elements of music. A minor key is a bit like a rainy day or a somber vibe. Right now, my rainy day is disillusionment, and for some reason, I’m okay with that.

I found this excerpt from an article about friendlationships called "Who's on First Base?". This is a subject that is near, but not really dear to my heart.

"Anyway, we were almost done when she said something about how we've known each other for almost two years. I said yes. She said we've had a lot of fun together. I said yes. And then she said some other stuff, I don't remember what — you can't listen to everything a girl says or it would wear you out. I think I must have said yes to that too, which was probably a mistake. The next thing I knew, she was talking about how a girl needs a commitment or something. And I guess it took a few minutes for what she was saying to sink in, and I asked 'What do you mean?' And she said 'commitment' and spelled the word. And I said 'It's not like we've been dating or anything.' And she said 'What do you call it when we've been seeing each other exclusively for two years?' And I said 'What do you mean exclusively? I do things together with lots of other people.' And she said 'Not with other girls you don't' and I said 'Girls and guys both' and she said 'What girls?' And I said I couldn't think of any and she asked me why I was holding back and I said I didn't know what she was talking about and then all of a sudden she was crying and she left the table and the waiter brought the check and he looked at me like I was dogmeat and I couldn't find her and so I went home, and I keep trying to phone her but she won't return my calls and it's all I can — I mean I — well — "
He looked embarrassed and took a deep breath. "So that's why I say she changed the rules."

I've been hiding from this blogger stuff for a bit. I've got a few ideas to sort of resurrect this fix, as my "myspace" addiction is dying off.

"One of the most wonderful things in nature is a glance of the eye; it transcends speech; it is the bodily symbol of identity."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson