disillusionment

I’ve spent the past few weeks settling into a new apartment in Midtown Tulsa (actually…the place was built in the 1930’s, so it isn’t exactly new). I’ve not really been attuned to much here lately, mostly final exams, packing boxes, and spending a lot of time with family. When I do get the chance to meander on the web, some of the first sites I visit are the many blogs my Rivendell pals are maintaining.

I’m always amazed at the level of subject matter that some of my friends, pastors, and their wives (???) are producing. Everything from theology and Christian apologetics to music and children are discussed, usually on a very high level. I suppose my little corner here is a bit pale in comparison, as I usually copy and paste some obscure article or post a random music video. Perhaps I’m still trying to find a whole purpose with this blog stuff.

Maybe this blogging thing is just a fashion, something for me to feel a level of association with my cohorts. I’m not sure. I have no great spiritual discourses or original thoughts to share about the current state of the church or life. Believe me, I keep going in that well and am desperately trying to fish something profound out. These are usually fleeting attempts and I’m left a bit muted.

All I can say right now is that God has used disillusionment in my life as a sobering reminder of his purpose. This is a level of enlightenment I suppose, although not the type that will give me a wonderful testimony or place my amongst the strata of Christian “brains”. For me, the past few years have been a process of shedding Christian idealism and discovering a way to an obscured trailhead. If I find this trailhead, I’m praying that it will lead me to a deeper understanding of humility and servanthood.

I’ve changed the title of this blog from “Before the Deluge” to “life in a minor key”, which reflects my one of favorite elements of music. A minor key is a bit like a rainy day or a somber vibe. Right now, my rainy day is disillusionment, and for some reason, I’m okay with that.